We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
