i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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