I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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