I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
