Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
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We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
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You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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