hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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