The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm both gender and math confused
I forget how to act sober
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
