It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize