I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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