dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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