Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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