Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
