I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
