if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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