dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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