it wasn't lemon gatorade
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
