I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
