When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
