In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
