i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
