when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
