I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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