Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
