Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
