How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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