Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
