Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
