So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
