East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
