The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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