she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
