I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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