I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
