i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
