i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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