Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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