I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
