I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
