I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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