i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
