why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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