I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
