You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
