Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
