my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
