i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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