he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize