Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
