Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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