There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
