Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
