I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
