you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
