Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
