Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
