so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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