totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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