he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
