You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
