I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
