moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
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