I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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