dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
