I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
