He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
