I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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