I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
