You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What drink are we having for lunch?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
