All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
