I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
