for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize