I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
