I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
